2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My room smells like vodka and shame
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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