He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize