If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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