Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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