Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
