I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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