Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
