It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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