Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
