Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
