I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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