How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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