Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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