There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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