dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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