Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
