i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
