An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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