im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
wow bdsm is so cute
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
