cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
