I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
