I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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