saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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