Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
