So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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