Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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