Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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