Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
