So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
