weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
