your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
