hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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