Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
