I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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