so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
