so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
