where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
