i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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