I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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