Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
