so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
