I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize