Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
