Your dad touched me again.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
