His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
