Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
