You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
