just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
