I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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