they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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