Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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