You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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