TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
