apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
