Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
