I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
