did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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