Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
