I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
