yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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