No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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